Anger

We all get incensed at times. Yet anger ages us faster than any other emotion.

Anger is often justified. Our friends may even encourage us to freely vent our feelings to relieve the stress anger causes.

Yet we’re better off not to stomp and shout. Our relief is only momentary, while the consequences can be long lasting. Besides, our anger can burst forth again whenever we recall the incident or the person who caused it.

Also, venting one’s anger can easily become a habit—not an attractive habit, and tough to break.

Worse, angry outbursts cause persons to lose control over their actions—they become dangerous not only to themselves but also to others. Imagine driving a car while in a rage. When we are furious we lose power and control to the person who caused the anger—often to the perpetrator’s great delight! It’s better to focus on the steps necessary to salvage the situation.

Don’t simply repress your anger either. Unwittingly, you may take it out on an innocent person, such as your spouse or child.

It’s better to find a way to deal with the underlying unfairness or unmet need. Recall the last incident that made you angry. Could you have handled it better? It’s often the same type of incident in different guises that triggers us. By practicing better ways of reacting we can change our behavior.

In some situations we want to consider what may have driven the other person to act the way he or she did. We are all human and far from perfect.

Often our anger is caused by a situation that is beyond our control—a canceled flight, an ugly dent in our parked car, heavy traffic when in a rush. Did our anger improve the situation? If not, recall Mark Twain’s wise words, “If we don’t learn to laugh about our troubles, we have nothing to laugh about in our old age.”

With my best wishes for a healthy and peaceful 2014,

Rosi

Gratitude

Thanksgiving has come and gone. Only the memories remain, memories of a family get-to-gether and a delicious, big meal. The turkey, maybe the meal itself, has become a symbol of Thanksgiving.

In the hustle and bustle of preparations for Thanksgiving Day we sometimes forget what the day was meant to be for—to give thanks for having survived another year.

After years of prosperity, we have become complacent about our life of ease and abundance. Sometimes one can detect even a trace of entitlement.

Is gratitude going out of style?

I don’t think so.        

Gratitude is a basic human courtesy. Cicero goes a step further, he says: “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.”

When someone renders us a kindness, it’s not for the sake of a thank you. Yet when the recipient of the kindness shows a total lack of appreciation, it cools the giver’s heart. Why should he bother again if the recipient does not care? Indifference puts off kindness. Gratitude encourages it.

Our mothers used to ask us: “Have you written your thank you notes yet?” Today, we have cell phones and email, a great boon for showing gratitude. Perhaps it is not as formal as a written note, but it will be appreciated just the same, especially if  done promptly.

Young children tend to be totally absorbed by a gift, and remain oblivious of the need to thank the giver. It is vital to teach children the art of gratitude, especially when we assume that gratitude is the parent of all other virtues.

Gratitude is at its best when it becomes part of our attitude toward life itself; when we no longer take our blessings for granted, but have gained a daily awareness of them that fills us with joy and confidence.

Grateful people radiate serenity and contentment no matter what the day may bring.

There is much to be thankful for—the beauty of this world, the food on our table, the happy face of a child, and the simple fact of being alive.

Kahil Gibran sums it up in The Prophet: “You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might pray also in the fullness of your joy and in your days of abundance.”

Until next time,

Rosi

Simplicity

Why does simplicity have such appeal? Newton strove for utmost simplicity when he observed nature. And he revolutionized science. Einstein spent his life searching for a simple equation that would explain the workings of the universe. It may still be found.

“Truth is ever to be found in simplicity, and not in the multiplicity and confusion of things.”   — Isaac Newton

Henry David Thoreau explored simplicity by stripping his life to the barest minimum. He built a one-room cabin on Walden Pond, surrounded by trees, and lived there for a year, savoring the beauty of simplicity. No distractions, no clutter, no sounds but the rustling of the leaves and the croaking of the frogs.

“In character, in manner, in style, in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity.”   — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Some women prefer dresses of simple design, and get complimented for their classic look. Chopin strove to create music that is profound yet simple, some artists excel in creating a strong yet simple design.

“Beauty of style, harmony, grace and good rhythm depend on simplicity.”  — Plato

The appeal of simplicity lies in its clarity. We can understand it. We find no hidden surprises or misleading data, as we might find in an insurance policy that promises coverage on page one, followed by some 37 pages of exclusions and limitations that are rarely read.

“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius…and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.”   — E. F. Schumacher

  

An acquaintance walked by and said hi, whereupon I responded with a quick how are you and hurried on. But I didn’t get far; she had reached for my arm and started in on a litany of ailments and problems that were besetting her. I’ve avoided that phrase ever since, unless I really mean it.

"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler." 


  — Albert Einstein

We can hire Organizers today, persons who simplify the clutter that surrounds us. It’s tough to throw out things that once were dear to us—those comfortable shoes, yesterday’s suits and dresses, letters, documents and our children’s toys. We’ve saved it all, for years and years and years. Yet when we need it—should that day ever comes—who can possibly find it? We might as well pass it on to the Goodwill and free our closets of clutter.

“Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.”   — William Morris

Leonardo da Vinci sums it up:  “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”

Until next time,

Rosi

$2.99 Special for Kindle Readers

Two of my books will be available for Kindle Readers for $2.99.

“The Madman and His Mistress”

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B002NGO5P0

and “In Search of the Good Life”

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007JDN95O

But only briefly. On November 6 the price will go to $4.99

and on the 10^th it reverts to $7.99.

It’s a new amazon.com/Kindle feature.

Happy reading,

Rosi

Happiness

What is happiness?

We all know the feeling of being happy. Yet happiness is difficult to define. It is a very personal experience and can have a vast variety of causes. It can be temporary or it can last forever.

Temporary happiness may be the result of many things—getting a compliment, a new gadget, or a promotion. Our delight may last for a few minutes or a few days, but then it will fade away.

Long lasting happiness is rarely the result of an external cause. It springs from a positive inner state of mind. It is ingrained into our attitude and thinking, no matter what the external circumstances. It’s part of us. It’s not a momentary thrill, but a permanent feeling of deep contentment.

Some say that a happy, positive attitude may be genetic. It can also be acquired—either by observing and imitating it while growing up. Or by acquiring it as an adult when we realize that life is a precious gift that needs to be accepted with gratitude.

Most people want to be happy, unless they are struggling for survival or involved in war. Yet few people realize that happiness is within their reach.

Long lasting happiness appears to be based on three basic attitudes—being content with what we have, accepting what we cannot change, and being grateful to be alive.

The very simplicity of happiness may make it so elusive.

Advertisers provoke a constant stream of desires—for the latest fashion, a fancier iPhone, a bigger entertainment center. The list is endless. We live in a highly competitive society where contentment may even be frowned upon. Ads keep clamoring for our attention—buy, hurry, compete!

Competition, actually, can be a good thing—not necessarily competing against others, but competing against oneself, such as living up to our potential, to do our best, to improve ourselves, to keep learning. Happiness is bound to crown these efforts.

On the other end of the scale are sundry human emotions that destroy all sparks of happiness. Among them are jealousy, insatiable desire, feelings of hate and anger, and the desire for revenge. These passions are the very antithesis of happiness.

Some two thousand years ago, a Greek slave, Epictetus, heard someone talk about philosophy. He was still a child, but he took courage and asked his master if he could study this intriguing subject. He got his master’s permission and did so.

The young slave learned eagerly, and gained wisdom and respectability, and eventually was freed. Though severely crippled, Epictetus lived a happy and simple life while teaching his favorite subject.

He strongly believed that external events are not within our control. We must calmly accept them, he urged. Unhappiness results when we try to control what is uncontrollable. And when we neglect to control what we can and should.

Here is one of Epictetus’ maxims written in the first century A.D. that expresses well his philosophy of achieving happiness:

Conduct me, Zeus, and thou, O Destiny,
Wherever thy decree has fixed my lot.
I follow willingly; and, did I not,
Wicked and wretched would I follow still.

Not many mortals reach a perfect state of inner happiness. But we can get ever closer to reaching long lasting happiness, and get better at warding off unwarranted unhappiness.

Until next time,

Rosi

ME and THEM

Happy the day that we are born—we are the Center of the Universe!

We know there is a me and we realize there are others—we think of them as them. Some of those others, though, we soon discover, are worthy of accepting into our world, like my mom, my dad, my doggie.

As we grow up, our world widens. We happily include friends, neighbors and colleagues into our universe.

And the world of them keeps shrinking, until quite without fanfare the day arrives when we realize that we are all fellow travelers of Planet Earth on our journey through life—with similar hopes, similar fears and similar dreams.

For some people this path is troubled, tedious and tough. They cling tenaciously to the all-important me and build a wall against those they do not like, or those who appear more powerful, or those who are suspect of thinking differently from them.

Yet one day they too will see the light. They have to struggle a little longer to find their way back to the Center of the Universe where Life takes on a larger meaning than the me and them. Life becomes a precious gift and a privileged opportunity to share life’s path with others.

Until next time,

Rosi

The Price of Guns

“I do miss Judy,” Eric Sahlin murmured; over the years he had taking many exquisite photos of her.

“I miss her too,” I thought, even though I had never met her. But I had read the heart-felt memorials her friends had written, so Judy took on life in my imagination.

When she was young, her family had to flee from Communist Hungary. They moved to Canada and Amsterdam. In Spain she became an expert in Flamenco dancing, in Israel she attended the Hebrew University and became fluent in her fifth language. But her greatest passion was music and opera. “She composed beautiful pieces and played them on her piano,” one of her friends wrote in her memories.

When she lost her computer job, she began training dogs. She had a wonderful way with them—though she was delicate and soft-spoken, they respected and obeyed her. Her life was starting to come together again.

Then it suddenly ended. She became Oakland’s homicide victim #56.

Why?

It happened barely a week after 8-year-old Alaysha had been shot dead in Oakland, while her 7-year-old friend and little brother and their grandmother were wounded and made three of the two million gun-related emergency visits.

It was 1:00 in the afternoon. Judy had trained a dog and was driving home. On her way, two youths blocked the road. They exchanged words, when one of the youths grabbed a garbage can and bashed in her window. Judy took her cell phone and snapped a few shots of them and drove on.  But she didn’t get far; they shot her dead at close range and jumped into a car to speed off. Judy’s car kept rolling until it hit a parked car. Moments later, the boys came back to collect her cell phone with their photos.

Why did they shoot her?

We’ll never know. The witnesses declined to talk. It’s an ironclad rule in the City of Oakland—you don’t squeal or betray one another. If you do, you jeopardize your life and that of family and friends.

Could it be that we have too many guns in the streets, or too little gun control, or inadequate punishment? Several European countries have realized that the primary purpose of a handgun is to kill, consequently, they do not allow anyone to own one, not even the police.

Guns did have their useful place once when we had to hunt for our food and protect ourselves against the wild. But those days are long gone; technology and big business look out well for our needs. It’s our human instincts and habits that adapt more slowly—remnants of our old passion to hunt, shoot and kill—so we shoot animals now as a sport. When we shoot other human beings we call it military sanction or intervention.

In America, 11,078 persons were shot during last year—31 human beings every single day. In Japan, the total for the whole year and the whole country was eleven. According to the Digital Journal of 12/16/2012, “it is easier to purchase a gun in the United States than in any other industrialized nation, which could explain the United States’ high numbers of gun homicides.” When it comes to most European nations, their gun-caused homicides are much fewer than those of the City of Oakland.

Do we really value guns higher than a person’s life? I doubt it. Maybe those millions of dollars spent by our legalized pressure groups that promote guns warp the picture. Life, no doubt, is a precious, fleeting gift, more precious than any gun.

“Judy, we miss you.”

Until next time,

Rosi