Empathy

Empathy is the ability to perceive the joy or pain of another person and share these feelings as if they were our own.

Maxi, our beloved German Shepherd, had extraordinary empathy. When we children came home from school disheartened and depressed, Maxi would sadly hang his head and lick our hands consolingly. But when we came home with big smiles because it was Friday, he’d jump and run, wagging his tail with joy.

The memory still brings tears to my eyes because one day a Nazi official came to take him away. He was to be sent to the front—World War II was raging. Maxi was the only friend we had in whom we could confide our pain of always being hungry and cold or being beaten by our teachers for no reason at all. Merciless informers were everywhere, and complaining was strictly forbidden.

The capacity for empathy varies widely. Women tend to be more empathetic than men. Some adults may be totally lacking it, while some small children can show amazing discernment. When my daughter was a few months old, a visitor came. She took a glance at the baby and then gushed forth in exuberant praise, so insincere that even the baby perceived it. When the woman tried to pat her, the baby turned away and cried.

Empathy goes a step further than sympathy. While a sympathetic person feels compassion and pity, an empathetic person will actually feel the pain as if it were her own. In times of deep distress an empathetic friend who will share our grief can be of great solace.

When a good friend has lost a loved one, we may feel at a loss for words. Empathy may provide an answer—to share the feelings, share the sadness, share the silence or tears. A bereaved person does not want to be cheered up or hear platitudes, such as time heals all wounds. It is better to speak loving words of the deceased or quietly share the pain.

Time does heal many wounds, but not all. When it comes to the pain of losing a child, time cannot heal that pain; at best it can help a person to slowly become accustomed to the loss. With empathy we can reach out and touch a person, not just with our hands or with our words, but with our heart.

At times and in varying degrees we all need empathy—someone who will try to understand us and share our feelings.

Until next time,

Rosi