My last post evoked a storm of controversy. Why did I let my
ex-husband “off the hook from paying child support and alimony?”… “ It’s his
responsibility!” … “You needed the money!”…
All true. Nonetheless, I decided not to choose that path. Perhaps it
was pride—I wanted to be able to stand on my own feet, rather than be a burden
to someone. Perhaps I wanted to avoid the mental anguish to count on payments
that might not come or I might have to plead for. Time is too precious for
that.
It’s true, I had no assets, but I had landed a job. Money was not of
prime importance to me, probably because I grew up in Europe where you do not
mention the word. The focus is on values, education, manners and consideration
for others.
For me this path felt right. I had confidence in the future. I was
willing to work hard, I wanted a happy and harmonious life for my children and
me. Staying within our means was a small price to pay. Obviously, this approach
is not for everyone.
True, we didn’t wear the latest fashion! Our tight budget called for
setting priorities. Ours were sports, art and music. I added moonlighting jobs
and acquired second-hand tennis rackets and bicycles and later a fine, upright
piano. It wasn’t a Grand, but it still sounds grand today. Instead of visits to
the hairdresser I took first aid courses so I could join the Ski Patrol and we
could ski—I still remember fondly the ball we had at ski swaps getting ready
for the slopes.
This unconventional course of action allowed the children an
unclouded and good relationship with their father and a cordial one for me
during social functions when a father’s presence is important.
I have a tenant, a good-looking young woman with two children. Her
rent is always late because her ex-husband hasn’t paid yet. One day she gave me
his phone number so I could call and remind him—but no thanks. Every month the
power company sends me a warning that they’ll turn off her utilities—luckily
that’s not my problem either. Eventually, the rent does arrive, but I feel
sorry for the constant stress she suffers.
Life calls on us daily to make choices. Some are easy and automatic.
Others require thought when a solid foundation is helpful to make wise
decisions—something permanent and indestructible like values, because our
rational mind is willing to justify just about anything.
May you be fortunate in making yours,
Rosi
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